zondag 11 maart 2018

Susan Sontag -- 12 maart 1960

Reborn bevat (dagboek)notities van schrijfster Susan Sontag (1933-2004) uit de periode 1947-1963.

The way to overcome X is to feel (be) active, not passive. I feel anxious when the phone rings — therefore I don't answer or I get someone else to. The way to beat that is not to force myself to answer the phone. It is to make the calls myself.

I. [Irene] is a bully — tonight's episode with the glass in the kitchen. I feit hate for her.

Last weekend threw a switch, and rage + resentment started flowing. Hard to turn that off. Hence last night when I said in my drugged post-migraine sleep, "I hate your mind." I don't. I hate her.

The passivity of the last three months is broken. But instead there is an area of coldness, + rage in me.

I. drawing, surging now. So as not "to deprive rne of my reaction"? No apologies, no justifications. Just "I did it; it's what I wanted to do."

No such thing as a temptation. A temptation is a desire, a lust like any other — but one that we regret afterwards + wish undone (or that we know beforehand we will regret alter). So it's no excuse to say, "1 didn't mean to do it. I was tempted + I couldn't resist." All one can honestly say is, "I did it. I'm sorry I did it."

Feeling hurt is passive; feeling angry is active.

The source of depression is repressed anger. (I. says her father, a man of great rages, was never depressed.)

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