Monday, May 24, 1976
Being with Ronna yesterday gave me good feelings that carried me into odd moments today. She is my friend and she was my lover yesterday. It all happened without premeditation on my part; indeed, I had thought that the attraction between us was over.
But it was obvious that it was not, Even while we were thoroughly engaged in an intellectual discussion, I was aware of the curve of her Danskin top and her soft brown hair and her face, which has become less girlish and cute and more womanly and beautiful.
Ronna has that olive, freckled, almost Oriental look and that comfortable body. When I started kissing her, I did not think about it, and when I was on top of her, I was beyond thought.
Finally I asked the question a man should never ask: “Did you come?”
“No. You did?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m sorry.” And then I said, “No, I’m not. It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
I was about to tell her, “You’re going to make a big hit in Indiana,” and when I realized how awful that would have sounded at that moment, I became convulsed in laughter.
“What?” Ronna wanted to know.
When I finally got it out, Ronna broke up too, and the two of us were hysterical with laughter that took our breaths away.
It was so good to make love to Ronna again: to be with Ronna herself and to know that I can still act and react sexually with a woman. While I may not be Mr. Sensuous, I’m far from being the literary celibate I sometimes fancy myself.
After I took Ronna home, there was a message to call Mike – though Jonny’s spelling massacred Mike’s last name – and when I called, Mike was busy working on a take-home final.
He called to tell me that he and Cindy had become engaged over the weekend, and I told him I was very glad to hear it. I think Mike and Cindy will have a successful marriage because they seem so comfortable with each other.
They won’t be having their wedding for quite a while, not for at least another year and Mike’s graduation from the psych counseling program. Mike and Cindy, who’ve always loved antiques, bought a very early model Steinway piano, and it will stay in Cindy’s house until they get married and have their own home.
I slept soundly and awoke at 6 AM, awakening again just ten minutes later, amazed that I could have the kind of elaborate dream I did in so short a time. I recall one scene from the dream clearly: I was teaching my class, dressed only in my briefs, and I didn’t feel embarrassed by my near-nudity. This pleased me, as it means I’m feeling more open and comfortable with the real me.
I spent most of the day at LIU, trying to work out final grades. All of the papers were in my mailbox with the exception of those by Morris and Janet.
They said they’d have theirs in before the end of this week, but I decided to tell them I was giving them Incompletes; however, in reality I handed in their grades (based on their prior work) with the rest of the class’s to the Registrar.
I can always change them later if necessary, as I changed two from last term. Arnold handed in two paragraphs late, so I gave him a mercy D. And after Carmen finally took her make-up final, I gave her a B for last term.
Coming back on campus from lunch at Junior’s, I met Elihu, who had his last day tutoring. He’s almost finished with his own schoolwork, although he still owes Arthur Schlesinger a paper. Elihu was on his way to Korvette’s to buy tickets for some Schaeffer summer concerts; Ronna suggested that she and I go to some this summer.
When I finally got home late this afternoon, I found four rejections, one a very condescending letter attacking “Reflections” as trite and clichéd. It would have thrown me into a tailspin had not the story already been accepted by Transatlantic Review; as it was, it just made me laugh bitterly.
I’ve been preparing for Kaye’s final by reading The Rainbow and A Passage to India, two very good novels which I avoided for too long. And I sent out résumés to three colleges which advertised in the Sunday Times for English instructors.
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