Simone de Beauvoir • 19 juli 1927

• Simone de Beauvoir (1908-1986) was een Franse filosofe en schrijfster. Het onderstaande (in het Engels vertaalde) fragment komt uit het dagboek dat ze als studente bijhield.

Tuesday morning, [July 19]
I slept poorly last night; thought too much about all these things. And then, my dear friends, you don't like young girls, but remember that they not only have a reason to satisfy, but also a heavy heart to subdue [comprimer] — and in this way I want to remain a woman, still more masculine by her brain, more feminine by her sensibility. (Moreover, everyone recognizes in approaching me that I am not like other young girls. Oh Ponti, how nicely you said so to me in the splendid Luxembourg Gardens on the gilded night So humble, you too my friend, so simple, so charming!) I have examined my conscience, and here is what I have found: prideful, selfish, and not very good. Jacques also made me feel this. Yes. I often have disgust for myself. I think that I could be very humble before God, but I am not humble before men. I have closed myself in my ivory tower saying, "Who is worthy of entering here?" I would sometimes open the door and that is all, but there are some people profoundly better than me, and this haughty attitude is stupid.
Egoïst—I love others only inasmuch as they are me; I easily scorn, and scornful, I no longer try to do my best.
Not very good—how severely I judge and with what right? Even the boys who sing ignoble songs, I should love them with pity and indulgence. I laugh with scorn; I should suffer with gentleness. I am hard, hard and proud. Become conscious of your own poverty, my girl, and of all of your cowardice! You walked for five minutes in a beautiful garden, then you arrived in a desert of stones and behind you the door was closed. You walked for five more minutes, then you lay down on the ground, and you cried from not being able to find any suitable position after having sought one all year. People passed by, saying, "There can only be stones there." You said, "Why?" You were right, but you said within yourself, "There are only stones," and then, "Why?" All you have to do is to get up and to walk on until your last day.
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